Health Care Explained

Written by The Unknown "Angry Lower 48er" based on jive talkin' article of
(Cow) Patty Bury (name changed to hide her guilty identity from insinuashuns)
11 Red Herring Things About the Brand-Spanking New Travesty Health Care Law of 2010 As TRUTH re-Spun from AAARRP or American Academy Awfully Ravished Rich People
A) Said to allegedly maybe help 32 million more Americans get health insurance some of whom .....did not want because most will pay more for what they did not want in the first place.
B) Said to allegedly make pre-existing medical conditions history as in Gonzo or GONE. Like the exhumed decaying corpse---remains to be seen. In other words---drivel, hype-type conjecture until it happens, maybe never will. But should it actually transpire, kids are covered from this year on maybe perhaps with adults getting what they have been paying for since 2010---FOUR YEARS LATER in 2014.
C) Allegedly maybe possibly---guarantees the way Medicare and Medicaid always has guaranteed, payment, making preventative xrays, cat scans and other diagnostic services free for SOME and slowly starts paying for the negligent Part D drug program that had seniors eating Alpo patties browned and served on white bread.
D) Could possibly allegedly perhaps set up a TEMPORARY program where the closest thing to eternal life is a signed-into-law federal program. Maybe in July, 2010, there could be a program to help people presenting pre-existing conditions toget covered by insurance for part or all perhaps.
E) Said to allegedly provide new and improved benefits for people who never wanted to pay too much for somebody else's insurance because they were more than happy with their own. An example might possibly be coverage for adult children which makes them sound retarded, scared to leave home, or physically and emotionally dependent on mom and dad or just one of them, until age 26. This age is similar to auto insurance which may cease to cover auto crash injuries yet charge the same for premiums due to government regulations and paperwork red tape.
F) Said to allegedly for now anyway, leave medically influenced decisions up to you personally and your allegedly self-chosen doctor who may have been ordered to your area due to a doctor shortage induced by government lunacy and Yes-We-Can-Be-Draconian... we have what it takes to take what you've got! Will this change to the "Life or Death Panel of Washington Bureaucrats" later when costs get out of hand like all government interference programs do?
G) Alleged to force government coverage for everybody by 2014 except for privileged characters like unions and senators and US Representatives which have "Farrari" expensive regal elitist plans and will not have to wait months or years in line for care. Said to perhaps maybe provide alleged subsidies to help out those who pay no taxes with low or moderate income whatever the heck that is. May allegedly make even more people eligible for bloated over-budget Medicaid leaving the bankrupt states and cash-strapped ones to pay for Medicaid.
H) Said to allegedly start state-run insurance exchanges to eat up even more state money driving up taxes forcing people to move to better states assuming the federal government will let them move. Perhaps these exchanges will off some sort of menu of private insurance that has survived the government takeover of over 1/6 of the US economy by raising their rates. This will allow the federal government to unload people who are uninsured, self-employed or out of work as in BROKE and between jobs. The out-of-work formerly cursed COBRA and all involved with that travesty because that insurance typically cost MOST if not all of their now-non-existing former income leaving them uninsured except while driving. This will take place allegedly perhaps in 2014 after many if not most have been paying the fine or paying for the exorbitant rate for non-existing insurance making them unable to afford their old plan the government forced them out of.
I) Said to furnish 2010 tax credits to assist small businesses which provide most employment and new jobs, to buy insurance for their present part-time employees they have not cut the hours of from 32 down to 28. Obviously legislators craved that fear, loathing, and evil-doer feeling from reducing hours of already straped-for-cash people. Maybe they assumed that reducing work time would force employers to crate one more part-time job for every 8 part-timers reduced in hours and wages.
J) Said to allegedly save troubled-bloated-out-of-wack Medicare financially for a decade when Medicare expenses rose exponentially from its inception in the 1960s the way all government entitlements skyrocket in the manner this new health care reform will get out of hand rapidly. It is estimated to allegedly even reduce the trillion dollar expanding deficit by an whopping estimated paltry scrawny picayune measly 143 billion imaginary we-pulled-that-number-out-of-thin-air dollars.
K) Publications presenting Health Care User's Guides are almost as "crapful" as the Apollo Alliance lawyers who devised the original bill that was altered like wild out-of-control live chicken by Congress' pseudo-intellectual know-it-all elites vainly attempting to "fix" something so perverse as to defy the Draconian Machinnellian inadequacy of repair.
L) For an encore, the US Congress will manufacture a 100% silk purse from a pink-and-black-and gray piggy with lipstick applied to it by five brave interns.